From Poop to Snoop

I'm always afraid of a day that starts with my child producing an object out of her rear where I am left speechless and gagging and running around in panic with my only desire being to CONTAIN the beast! After 45 minutes of crime scene clean up we started the day again. Breakfast, coffee, then read the paper.

So here is my question internet:

Is it normal to open the paper and have FEMA tell you how you can pick up your "Clean Room Kit" for free locally?

As in Clean The MF'in Mustard Gas Out Of The Air (this is the only biological [I don't actually know if this is a bio hazard] agent the military can tell you about) Before It Brutalizes You And Your Family Kit. I can handle a hurricane, was almost coming to terms with the idea of a Tornado but the idea of having to seal all the doors and windows of a "safe" room and having 5 hours of air filtering (plenty of time according to the operator)capabilities at my fingertips has me flustered. Don't they know I have a toddler at home!?! Unless I have enough of this air filter crap to clean half a city block I'm screwed. But don't worry, the alarms implanted in my neighborhood will tell me what to do.....Big Brother, huh, what?

Speaking of interesting fumes, last night I had an opportunity to catch Snoop Doggs reality show. I haven't seen someone high for that long in a long time. Snoop doing Yoga, Snoop scared of needles, Snoop vacuuming, Snoop the family man and through it all his eyes are so squinty you could blind the man with a bit of dental floss. Yes, I watched the whole thing and then DVR'ed the season. I have no idea why but I haven't laughed like that in awhile!

It's Friday

Today while waiting in line I was captivated by this guys tattoo. It was a bold yet simple graphic design around his elbow. Living in Miami in the land of the short sleeve shirt this is a MAJOR commitment. As I chit chatted and told him how much I loved it, and asked my 10 mandatory questions (ex. did it hurt, what does it mean etc.) I thought about the other questions that I have that I would never ask aloud:

What does he do professionally? Does he think he is going to be judged by people? Does he plan on living outside a major city?

I think these things because a little (tiny) piece of my would like to say screw you "I do what I want" and die my hair random colors, wear cool artsy t-shirts on a daily basis, get some tattoos and forget conventional thought of what I am supposed to do and look like.

Knowing that I am someone who at times can desire things for the mere fact that I am not allowed or not supposed to, I have a hard time differentiating what I truly want. Living the life I live now none of the above things would work. Corporate America doesn't want rainbow bright in their offices. I don't know how people relate the visual to the mental but they do.

My real motivating force is that if I changed my look so drastically I might be forced to follow a path that I might really enjoy. I could blend in with "the artsy" people, live an alternative existence. Do you know how much better the music is?!?

Crazy Sexy Cancer

Last night I had the opportunity to watch a documentary by Kris Carr entitled Crazy Sexy Cancer on TLC. The film was a-m-a-z-i-n-g.

We saw a 31 year old woman encounter cancer and come out ahead of the situation. She discovered joy and the ability to truly live. Her blog while being new already has some great writing:

"Life is a terminal condition, cancer patients are just more aware of it..."

"......I think we tapped into the sweet spot, the place in each of us where possibility meets human potential. Where curiosity hugs "why not?" Here’s the deal, cancer is a just a silly metaphor, like it or not, it’s in each of our lives in some way. For me it’s tumors for you it may be a bad job, your weight or a dead end relationship etc, etc. It’s spooky but it doesn't have to be taboo. It’s just life, so we have to wake up to it!"

This film made me laugh, cry and question what the hell I am doing. Why aren't I as happy as I can be? Why don't I embrace my creative self, my spiritual self, my healthy self? Why should I wait for some earth shattering event (ex. cancer, death) to wake me up? Why I am I so fearful of the changes I will have to make?

I know I have an enormous inner strength but I need to use it daily, not just when the shit hits the fan. I don't want to be a person bogged down by circumstance, I want to mold it, make it my vision, make it joy.