Days of Halloween past

While reading Rockstar Mommy's post about Halloween I remembered what Halloween used to be like.

As kid it was an opportunity to gord myself on candy while having my mom yell at me to put on my winter coat because it was cold outside. That winter coat always ruined my damn costume. Have I mentioned that I was a gypsie/ hippie every year. I was boho before there was boho...yeah?!?

Trick-or-treating lost its appeal sometime around middle school when being back home before dark was so not cool, or maybe it was my finally realizing that a 5'4" yellow tweety bird costume wasn't cute, on anyone. High school was finally the time when I was able to "go to a friends house". Shaving cream and eggs were always on cars and in our driveway the night after and it was about time I roamed around with my own eggs and shaving cream.

I should mention that in high school I was friends with a wide selection of thin, petite females who in their heads were bad asses. I too had that same mentality but was not of the genus thin.* So yeah, three of us decided to go out into the streets and walk around to see what was up. We took a male cousin for backup but really because he was our only male companionship and because I wasn't related to him he was super cute! (this entire post makes me sound like a twelve year old girl) So four bad asses walking down the street giggling, acting ridiculous, until twenty real bad asses started walking toward us all in black hoodies with hands in their pockets. By the time the words "don't run and look scared because they will come after us" had left my lips and I turned around, my three friends were already running in the opposite direction and half way down the block. This was about the time I saw the eggs start hitting the pavement. In that moment I became Marion Jones, performance enhancing drugs and all and I ran. I ran like my life depended on it because at 15 I thought it did. After realizing my legs are short and there is no way I can outrun 20 people I began to bob and weave into neighbors yards. I waited behind an AC unit for what seemed like forever until I heard a friend of mine calling my name.

We all laughed (nervously) but because we had each other and were oh so cool we then decided to get some eggs. The run had left us scared so we proceeded to stand in the driveway and wait for cars to pass by so we could egg them. Looking back, this entire concept is wrong on so many levels (in your own driveway so someone can tell your parents, completely open to counter attack etc.), I would be such a better delinquent now! So yeah, in our excitement we went through about half a dozen just having them crack in our hands. Then the first car went by, the windows rolled down and they egged us. We were egged in our own driveways by a moving car and all we had to show for it were egg stained clothes and egg hands, and then they doubled around the block and did it again. This pretty much raps up my life as a juvenile delinquent, sad but true.

Now with the baby we have a clean slate with Halloween. For the next couple years it will be the lovely clean candy holiday complete with costume.....just keep those eggs away from me!

*As a side note I am still friends with almost all of them and they are still bad ass bitches!

Because there is a very fine line between entertainment and a waste of time

Am-I-Dumb.com - Dumb?

I'm not in Kansas anymore (or NY, or Miami)

The reason that I haven't been around recently is because I have been in Alabama. This was no ordinary vacation folks, this was to look at what is now going to be our new home town.

What made you pick middle of the state, random city Alabama you say? Glad you asked.

My husband, Mr. Skyzi if you will, has received an amazing job offer (I am so proud of you baby). He will be BFE, Alabama Director of Parks and Recreation. We met City officials, toured around, had our pictures taken (we will be in the paper) all in one long weekend.

*This section has been deleted out of fear of someone finding this passage and stringing me up by my Yankee ears*

Everyone was ridiculously friendly and welcoming. They ate the baby up, she in turn had her first taste of BBQ, french fries and catfish. As a mother who never lets my kid have salt or sugar I have just stopped twitching, but whatever.

Since it was our first time visiting the surrounding areas we were happy to see that in reality we are not that far from "civilization". Atlanta and Ikea are under two hours away. Target, Walmart and KMart (apparently the markers of cities that have made it in the South) are under 20 minutes away.

I had fried crab claws and they were amazing. I saw several amazing old school southern houses that made me drool. The baby had the opportunity to see cows and make her little excited chirping noise. We sat inside the AC of the car to watch the cows but its a start. I saw my first train (that wasn't a commuter train) in I can't remember how long. My husband started saying y'all and pronouncing hi like h-a. All new things, all exciting things, all things I can grow to love (right, right?!?!)

I have been searching for a slower pace of life both physically and mentally and I hope this is what we have been looking for.




Did I mention I have never been a part of Nascar?!?

Look, he is already wearing plaid!

When I get old

So I'm at the gym trying to keep my sweat from not hitting the others when I notice that besides myself there are three other people. One woman has an ass you could bounce a quarter off (meanwhile all I could see when looking at her was her camel toe)and two women were between 75-80.

I am all about staying fit at any age but this was insanity. One of them was on the bike with no shoes and the other was stretching in such a manner that at any moment she was going to fly into another machine. I have not to my recollection been someone to make fun of the elderly but I couldn't help smiling. It made me think about what I wanted to be like when I get old, like 90 old.

I want to be the old lady jamming out to music, any kind of music even if you cant hear it.
I want to be the lady with the crazy hair/clothes/jewelry who you recognize because I don't give a damn and "I do what I want".
I want to enjoy my family but not be a burden.
I want to spoil people to the best of my ability.
I don't want to leave money to people, I want them/me to enjoy the money while I am alive.
I still want to travel, because I will never see it all and as long as these legs of mine work(even if its slow as hell or without shoes) I want to keep moving.
I want to take classes for kicks and to mess with the younger students.
I want to look back at a life well lived, full of laughter and the occasional tears.
I want to be proud of my accomplishments and revel in the lives that I have helped enrich.


What do you want?

Huh?

Feeling safe on a Saturday morning.....

What exactly is a lewd act? I'm guessing there was shlong involved, just saying. How awesome was it that she hit him. I totally would have starting screaming like a b-atch and run. I'm all about the flight vs. the fight.




In an unrelated event there is nothing like parking your car and seeing the police taking someone into custody (is it weird that I looked inside to see if I knew the person?). I also really like the news vans (although we are only cool enough for the Spanish stations), I hope this isn't me five minutes of fame.

Feeding frenzy

After realizing that we had no pictures of this child "eating" I set out to rectify that. Introducing my daughter (drum roll please), the worlds worst eater (dah dah!).

Her favorite food is ice. That's right, ice people. No caloric or nutritional content. We have to bait her with something else, pretend she can feed herself, bring out some ice. When she goes to open her mouth to eat the ice, BAM, we sneak in the real food.

No, that is not children's paint, it is some sort of organic bisque..... we will try anything to get her to eat. Her palette does not discriminate. Anything with the least bit of texture and watch out, its coming back at you.

She is lucky she is cute. Just think, if you were that cute what you could get away with!

Drinkin buddies

We all remember those people that we used to drink with...

pre-marriage, pre-baby, pre-relationship, pre-life, etc.

and think about how we would never do that now that we are adults...














Friend, OJ, husband

Oh yes ladies and gentleman, we only hang out at the swanky bars, with all the cool riff raff (this is also the bar where I met my husband). I now remember why I stopped drinking outside of the home (as much)!

I love you guys!

I think we broke records yesterday! Four comments, I may be swooning.

***

On an entirely separate note, I am now addressing the b-atch in her damn Mini Cooper who thinks she is auditioning for the Italian Job. Get off my ASS! We are in a parking lot, in an office park, not a race track. When you see the lanes merging into one STOP trying to pass me on the right. One day I am going to "not see you" in a rental car and plow you into the hedges. 8 am is too damn early for road rage woman.

*EDIT: I removed the comments because one of them contained my real name. For some reason that freaks me out!

Hey, you.....yeah you

To my beloved readers (all three of you), thank you for joining me. I'm sorry for not posting more often but I have been busy mourning the fact that my baby is no longer a baby. Can you believe they told me she can eat and drink anything? Cows milk people, they want her drinking cows milk.... don't they know I just spent $50 on toddler formula....damn doctors, what do they know. They also said she can sit in a forward facing car seat, like a big girl (sob, sob).

So enough about my child and down to the nitty gritty. I know there are several people who read the blog and NEVER comment! Today is for you.



You can find this button on http://www.schmutzie.com/2007/09/814-great-mofo-delurk-2007.

For some reason I get extreme joy when I know people are reading AND commenting. The funny part is that those of you who know me in the flesh are the biggest culprits. Yes you have to register to comment but then it is fun, fun, fun!

Those of you who have your own blogs, I thank you for writing and I promise to make an effort to be an active commenter and not a MoFo Lurker!