Happy 1st Birthday Muffin!

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Muffin,

I wish I would have written you letters month by month but at the very least I thought I should give you a summary of your first year of life, so here goes.

When we found out you were coming we were so excited/ scared about your arrival. I got larger and larger and the doctors told me you would be big. They had to induce me when you didn't arrive on time and after 10 hours of labor they said you were never coming out....so they went in and got you.

We had spent all that time thinking of you, trying to imagine what you would be like. You were amazing. You came out a whopping 9lbs 11oz, 22inches long. Your daddy told me you looked like you were going to eat the other nursery babies. You had this thick black hair with light blue/grey eyes and chunky cheeks and looking at you now you would never know. You now have blondish hair with beautiful light brown eyes, you are your fathers mini me.

You were an amazing breast feeder who didn't grasp the concept of appropriate sleeping times until about 8 months. Now at one year old you are sleeping by 8 and don't wake until 7. I am starting to mourn our time together breastfeeding as I work to wean you (wean me).

Getting you to eat is like a scene from mission impossible. One person has to be bouncing around, you have to be playing with a toy, have a cookie and then maybe, just maybe you will eat a bite. We scrutinize your diaper in order to have an educated discussion of whether or not you are getting enough liquids.

You personality is breathtaking. You captivate anyone who is around you. You are only shy on rare occasions and you are not afraid to approach a stranger to take their cookie/ binky/ book. You are a fire cracker

You always had that beautiful smile and delighted in being held by everyone but now you squawk in conversation. You are desperate to partake in big kid activities and thank goodness you are around older children you let you maul them.

You are unexpectedly mischievous in a completely adorable way. You know you are doing something wrong (like assaulting your fathers XBox360) but also know that if you flash that devilish smile we will just scoop you up with kisses. That look of knowing and that smile are irresistible.

You started walking at 8 months and now you run. We can take you anywhere and as long as we are not skipping a nap or meal you are wonderfully flexible. In your first year of life you have been to NYC, Orlando, Ocala and of course your home Miami.

Your initial terror of the pool has become excitement. You are fearless. You walk down steps like they don't exist and will throw yourself from chairs and beds. I feel blessed to know that you think someone will always be there to catch you.... and I hope we always will be.

This past Sunday we had your first birthday party. It was held at a park and we had 40 people gathered who love you. You ran around like a little sweaty nut and chased ducks, went down wet slides and gave your obligatory smiles, you even had cake.

There is so much I want you to know about your first year but now all the images are overwhelming me. You are our sanity, the flash of beauty and joy that brightens the day. Watching you with your grandparents and your aunts and uncles is amazing. I never thought I would feel this much love and joy, you brought that to me and to us.

Mommy has to go wipe her tears now, because she has never been happier.

One liners that make my heart stop

Where is the baby??

Where is my wallet?

Where is the condom?

Where is the car??

When was my last period?

Busy busy

Sorry to be MIA but it's been a crazy few days.

This weekend we went to the Dave Matthews concert up north and it was amazing! It is so rare to be surrounded by thousands of people where everyone is happy to be there, excited and yelling in anticipation. The set list was filled with all his best work and as usual their performance was perfect. This also marked my return to his summer concert tour after being very pregnant last year. It's amazing how good you can feel with a little music, a little beer (maybe more than a little), a few good friends and a nice buzz.

Today was even better. One of my best friends gave birth. I was there to take a couple pictures, say hi and drop off some chapstick. I ended up being a leg holder and watching a new life emerge from someones crotch. It still blows my mind how you can go from a couple to a small family within two seconds. The experience almost made me want to do it again (don't worry baby I said almost). For now I will enjoy playing with someone else's newborn muffin. After seeing his full head of hair I let her know that our children were now aloud to get together seeing as they would have the hair genes covered!

The whole process drove home how much can change in a couple years and even in just nine months. As annoying as it is to have a period, cramps, etc. it is a gift....

I have been blessed with so much this past year. My child is happy and healthy and a ball of fire. This weekend we are celebrating her birthday (a post unto itself) and it has been the best year, must unpredictable and most rewarding. I have this face I can look into and give my purest, most sincere smile.

Not to be corny (but I am), but it is a good life.

It's Friday

Today while waiting in line I was captivated by this guys tattoo. It was a bold yet simple graphic design around his elbow. Living in Miami in the land of the short sleeve shirt this is a MAJOR commitment. As I chit chatted and told him how much I loved it, and asked my 10 mandatory questions (ex. did it hurt, what does it mean etc.) I thought about the other questions that I have that I would never ask aloud:

What does he do professionally? Does he think he is going to be judged by people? Does he plan on living outside a major city?

I think these things because a little (tiny) piece of my would like to say screw you "I do what I want" and die my hair random colors, wear cool artsy t-shirts on a daily basis, get some tattoos and forget conventional thought of what I am supposed to do and look like.

Knowing that I am someone who at times can desire things for the mere fact that I am not allowed or not supposed to, I have a hard time differentiating what I truly want. Living the life I live now none of the above things would work. Corporate America doesn't want rainbow bright in their offices. I don't know how people relate the visual to the mental but they do.

My real motivating force is that if I changed my look so drastically I might be forced to follow a path that I might really enjoy. I could blend in with "the artsy" people, live an alternative existence. Do you know how much better the music is?!?

Sweet home Alabama

Ok, so we are back. After a total of around 24 hours in the car, three states (FL should count for 2 when you are driving from Miami), and 3 days without seeing our little muffin we arrived back in town.

A couple southern observations:

Y'all drive real slow.
You fry everything.
If I lived here I would be 400 lbs.
Grammar is more of a theory as opposed to rules.
I love trees.
There is no traffic.
In a town of 5,000 people I can be anywhere in 5 minutes.
I never thought I would ever want to live on a farm......I don't think I would mind it now.....did I mention I like trees....and grass....and maybe even a horse.
People have kids young, really young.
People do smile more.
There must be an invisible line excluding Hispanics and Asians (we slipped under the wire as White Hispanics as soon as we swore we would never speak Spanish or cook frijoles).
Boys play football and girls are cheerleaders.

As far as stories, I don't really have many. The trip was pretty uneventful and it was nice to spend some time alone with the husband, alone. Since we were leaving the muffin with grandma and grandpa I thought this might be a good time to wean the baby. My boobs were surprisingly cooperative and leak free....until we got home and I saw the baby and the dam broke and my shirt was wet and we didn't have formula and I ended up breastfeeding again, dammit.

With the baby reaching the 1 year old mark this month I am ready to move on from this whole boob thing. At this point she realizes what is up and yesterday she actually blew on my nipples. As in "mom, these things are hot pfffff, pffff". This bonding thing is over, I love her, she loves me now someone pass me my shirt.

In the spirit of changing the subject once again did I mention that we got flees? As much as I would like to blame it on Alabama we actually got it from a family members house, who had a dog, who ran away and left a lasting memory.

Does anyone else feel itchy??

Scared

#1 Reason (for today) that I am not allowed to watch scary/ ominous movies:

This weekend we are going out of town, to the country if you will. We are meeting some people for the first time (will expand on that in the future). While these people sound lovely over the phone and I'm sure are fabulous southerners, what is to say that they are not actually psycho killers who are luring us there under false pretenses? To the middle of no where. Where no one will find us. To maim us, torture us and then chop us into little pieces?

This is also the #1 reason I don't have a firearm. The mind can do crazy things, especially after you watch movies with stalkers, with pedophiles and all around not nice people.

Onto lighter topics, what does it mean when you are fantasising about a Paula Dean hamburger recipe while on the elliptical?