I've been in an admitted hiding thinking, unpacking, ignoring and taking it all in. I finally have my necessities: internet, phone (with unlimited long distance) and a sense of my bearings. I can still be at a Starbucks within 15 minutes and in the giant big box that is Super Target.
With all this time outside of my routine I have had nothing but time to think and for me this can often be a dangerous and counter productive thing. Unfortunately it makes me doubt and question EVERYTHING. Very few of these questions have actually surfaced and these issues are now lingering and yes I know I am being evasive.
Two days ago I finally broke down and put the muffin in a day care....with strangers. She is 14 months and this is the first time I have had to do it (my mom was watching her in Miami). I went to pick her up after her 5 hour stint and she was covered in her food, from lunch with her pants on backwards. They seem like sweet women and today I brought a washcloth for her so she was 95% crust free. She was missing an earring but I am trying to let it go. She doesn't cry when I leave but today she cried when I picked her up, it broke my heart.
I've also achieved the complete inability to make major decisions. I currently have no car (sold mine in Miami) so I am renting and nothing is on our walls. So besides not being sure of where I am living or what I am driving I'm all set?!?
Along with the questioning I have also been able to enjoy what small town America has to offer me. Watching people finalize their Christmas decorations with all the white twinkling lights, seeing the stars at night, hearing the sound of children playing in their yards, the cool crispness in the air and going for walks without the fear of being mowed down is amazing.
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3 comments:
Hey, good to have you back!
Good to be back!
as someone who used to work in a daycare i can assure you that backwards pants are not representative of how well loved your child was during the day!
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