You can't make me leave

For our long weekend we ventured out of town....again....by car.....with the baby.

For those of you without baby experience this means one thing: a cranky angry baby. The muffin who is usually a delicious ball of joy turns into an angry car seat bound ball of wahhhhhh. Five hours is just too damn long to be in a car with a baby who can no longer sleep for five hours straight!

It was a great trip because we got to get together with family members we rarely see and hear "she is so big, she is beautiful, etc". I for one cannot tire of hearing how wonderful my child is, because she is and I do like to share the magic that is the muffin.

One person who was not feeling any magic was room 205, the unfortunate person who was next to us while our daughter did her angry hyena impressions as she screamed her 2:30 am wake up call. Because I felt guilty I would pick her up so now we are back to square one with the whole sleep thing. On the plus side the world is a beautiful, crisp, quiet place from 2:30-6 am in northern Florida (I would actually be quite happy to never have experienced that but I guess you gotta look for the bright side!).

As is always the case: I need a vacation from my vacation. Did I mention that we are moving??? That is a big beautiful post in itself, but for now I bid you adieu! (I really hope that is the right word......whatever....ciao baby!)

Proceed with caution

While looking for this video:

to accurately depict the song that has been eating at my brain today I stumbled across this video:

I really do need some warning before soft porn comes on my computer screen at work!

Let's talk about sex baby

Ok, so I figured now that I am married, have a baby and am "settled" I thought that I was done with those uncomfortable mom questions. So today while I was getting ready to leave the baby with my mom she says:

"Did you have sex with people before(my husband's name)??"

Uhhhhhhhh.......

I swear I would have told the woman I was still a virgin if only I didn't have my daughter in my arms.

I feel like you may need background. I was raised in a very religious home. Looking back I am glad I was raised with those nice values but needless to say sex was not a discussion. It was implied that until the good Lord God came down and blessed me with a husband, sex was not something I would be partaking in (all the heathens say muahahahaha).

Even though I have been bred to think of sex before marriage as a mortal sin I realize that for the sake of my female children (no worries, only one right now being that I can only have sex for procreation ;) I am going to have to be more comfortable discussing the topic in a less scandalous context.

Yes I dish with my girlfriends/ guy friends about sex and enjoy sexuality but in terms of discussing it as a serious topic, never! I swear I am turning red just writing about the topic. My husband has already let me know all those "girly" issues are mine to handle. I don't see how sex is merely a girly issue considering all parties involved but I agreed. He will just have to second me when I tell her how evil and perverted men are, except of course for her perfect father.

Taking a mental consensus of how my friends parents dealt with the sex talk doesn't help. I had one friend whose mom would tell her "NS, NS" before she would go on dates with her then boyfriend, to translate it means No Sex, No Sex. I had other friends whose parents bought them sex books as pre teens and instructed how to use condoms with bananas. Then I had another friend whose parents had a naked people book in the basement that of course we found as young teens and would stare at in confusion and interest as opposed to lust.

So now that you know maybe a little too much about me it's your turn. How was sex spun to you?

My Boobs!

Ok, now that I am hitting the almost eight month mark I have noticed that people are continually asking me "when are you going to stop breastfeeding". With the amount of questions I am receiving you would think I was whipping them out every two seconds with my kid strapped to my back.

With the exception of my boss (he walked into my office while I was mid pump even though I had a sign on the door saying DO NOT COME IN....yes it was awkward, yes we both turned beet red and yes my whole office knew two seconds later) and immediate family/ close friends I have yet to expose myself.

I do not breastfeed in public unless it is an emergency (like when we went to NYC and my husband decided I HAD to breastfeed at the Mets game, in reality I think he just wanted to see my boobs on the jumbotron) so I am not pushing my breastfeeding reality on anyone uncomfortable seeing a boob (and yes even though I breast feed it makes me uncomfortable to see someone else doing it??).

So why?? Why do you (no, not you.....YOU!) care if I still do it? Why as my DR. are you looking like I have three heads when I tell you I still feed her the boob? Isn't it doctor recommended?

Additional facts/ statements:
-She does not have teeth
-When she does, I do not know what I will do
-Because I give her the teet (as my husband likes to call it) at age 7 3/4 months it does not mean I will be breastfeeding at age 10.
-She is eating Gerber foods
-I do give her formula when I have no pumped milk
-I get crazy on the weekends and don't always pump
-I am not talented enough to pump both boobs at the same time.
-Therefore pumping does take forever and is slightly cow like.
-It does not hurt
-Yes it hurts the first couple weeks
-No they are not the same boobs I had before baby but they were not so perfect to begin with, that's why that have those fancy push up bras!
-I do not think my baby is better that other babies because she is breastfed. I think she is better for a variety of other reasons.

Hmphf!

Where's my baby?

I finally uploaded pictures. Yes a couple weeks/ months late but I'm trying here. Going through the pictures was scary. How did this muffin:



turn into this muffin



turn into this muffin


and finally turn into this deliciously perfect muffin???

Let me clear my throat

I have noticed that a lot of my blog titles are lines from songs. On a daily basis I have a song that plays repeatedly in my head, my theme song for the day if you will. Today it is:



It has actually been in my head for weeks. With the baby making that little coughing sound my husband and myself have been amusing ourselves by saying "let me clear my throat". I swear it is just as funny as the first time we said it. Yes, maybe it is one of those "you had to be there" moments.

So what is your theme song??

Feelin yummy head to toe

Night #3, after three minutes of crying there is silence, "I rock" I think to myself. I open her door, she is sitting up, she proceeds to scream. After five minutes she is passed out, does not wake up until morning.

That is all I have to say about that.

Ferber this

Night #2, a wonderful success. I realize that by putting this out into the conscious world I am jinxing myself and tonight is going to be hellacious but in the meantime I am glowing.

Put her down for bed at 7:45 pm when she was starting to be a real crank. She cried for 15 minutes, puttered out, cried, I went in told her I loved her, patted her back and walked out. She passed out cold.

She did wake up a couple times, even did a half assed whimper but then put herself right back to sleep.

If I hadn't been waiting for her to cry with my supersonic mommy hearing I think I could have slept through the whole night. I had to practically wake her up at 7 am.

I'm a loser baby

It's a sham...all of it....

In the battle of baby vs. parent aren't I supposed to be the victor since I am the "adult"??

Ha, ha, ha, muahahahaha.

So the muffin aka demon baby has taken to not sleeping during the evening hours. Goes down to bed at around 9 ish, up and 12 ish awake for a couple hours between 3-5 ish. This has led to a very crankyish family dynamic consisting of grunting and evil stare downs.

So yesterday I finally decided to crack down and let her cry.

Let me give you some background:
-my husband has called me a weenie for not being more hard lined when it comes to our daughters eating and sleeping.
-the baby sleeps in a room right next to my brother with a thin wall separating the two.
-up until this point I have cared that my brother be well rested for his schooling etc.

So um yeah, she cried....a lot.

My husband after five minutes (literally, I had a timer) jumped out of bed yelling about how could I let her cry for an hour. I was so delusional it actually made me laugh.
My brother was late for school and I barely know my name.
According to the doctor this should last another four days. I am going to pack on an additional two days due to stubborn DNA.

I will let you know how it goes.

Takeaways:

-it is fun to play chicken with your spouse seeing who gets up first to assist the crier.
-I can't feel my eye lids.
-she is still the best muffin in the world even if I wish she had a mute button some times.
-if someone makes a suggestion that letting her cry it out is evil I WILL take you out....and your little dog too.
-this adventure has been pediatrician sponsored and approved.
-I am a fool for thinking that I was tired when I was younger, single and childless.

Have a drink for me and send all those sleepy, good girl vibes towards my little muffin.

A toast to the thought of posting something besides how I am tired and cranky.

Jackson it

Apparently I am behind the times.
Apparently black leather gloves are a must have spring accessory for driving.
Apparently it is not a fashion blunder reserved exclusively for the elderly.
Apparently I need a nap.

Blah

We are back, the flight back was so much better. I think the baby could feel that one peep and her mom was going to fall to pieces.

It was nice to see people that I have missed and to introduce them to the baby but we took on too much.

I cant remember if I mentioned this but one of the goals of this trip is to start the process of selling the NY apartment. We also went into the city to sell some jewelry for my parents.

All of the above items are laden with memories and nostalgia and things that I thought I would never have to part with. The costs far outweigh the benefits and rationally everything that we did makes sense. Emotionally it was very taxing.

Emotionally taxing + walking my ass off + baby + husband + my mother + meeting 30 people + walking some more= cranky, cracked out, grumpy wife/mother/worker bee.

So the past couple days have been completely unproductive on all fronts. I have even digressed and have begun drinking regular coffee to try to keep the energy up (just one cup in the morning)(it does not seem to be effecting the baby).

We did do a lot of fun stuff complete with documentation in pictures. Maybe for mother's day I will have some dedicated time to upload those beauties. Mhmmm, start holding your breath.........now.

The eagle has landed

We are here having a great time in the city.

The muffin....was totally evil on the plane. Six babies on the plane, mine was the one screaming. I am crack headed but it is so fun to be back where it all started (my baby was made in NY, FYI, yes, maybe too much information, just maybe).

Anyway, we saw the Martha Stewart show today, I don't know how I feel about that yet but we got free stuff. I love free stuff. We have walked all over the city so that I can no longer feel my toes. Now we are wrapping up our evening with drinks at a friends house (what up BRBS!!) Baby is at the apartment with the grandma (it is so strange how I feel guilty for drinking now, so much so that I am explaining it to you my reading public).

Yes I know I am abusing the following symbols: ..... and the (), whatever......(I should not be allowed on the internet when I am slightly intoxicated......)

Night, night, enjoy your evenings and I will be back with supper dooper cute pics at some point, in the near future. Maybe.