I was going to right some post about how I am a fool for not getting enough sleep, exercise, etc and the hurricane is/is not coming AKA "whine, bitch and moan" and then I received a fax.
Although this fax was certainly not meant for me or anyone in my office it did an amazing job of giving me that little piece of clarity that I needed for today. It was all the paperwork for a woman's headstone. Two sentences where her daughters expressed how they felt.
In two sentences I can't even express my simplest of thoughts, how would I ever be able to summarize what someone means to me. Then there is that ever present question of how I want to be remembered.....damn....I want people to remember me being so much more than I am now. I need to do something so much greater.
Even before the fax arrived I have been struggling with the question of purpose. I have a lot to offer humanity but right now I am giving nothing. I am trying to be a good mother, daughter and friend but I think I can do more. I am standing on two feet as opposed to being in an emotional ditch because I have support around me. Wouldn't it be great if I could be that support for children, teen mothers or another group where I have relatability? Why can't compensation be in alignment with a sound mission and passion.
I feel like my time is ticking/ wasting each day and I'm sick of it. I need to be able to provide for my family but on some level I know I can make "a difference" (not to sound like a big giant cliche) and I stop myself because I feel like the economics of it won't work.
I have so much life to live but right now I'm not living it to it's full extent (or even a quarter of it).