Gymboree

This weekend I took the muffin to Gymboree for the first time. She started off with apprehension and tentative stares and by the time it was time to leave she was screaming for Gym-bo. I had a similar process. Started off wanting to jab my eyes out with the ladies singing and left singing the clean up song.

This silly little class brought me so much joy....I talked with other mom's, reveled in my child's laughter, felt proud that my kid wasn't the one screaming or whacking the other kids and sat in awe as I heard my baby singing to herself for the first time as we drove home. That freaky little clown rocks!

Party like an aging rock star!

We went out.....in the rain....because we said we would....

I had a good time but it is so strange going out to places I used to go to BB (Before baby) and seeing that the people havn't aged and the places are still the same. I don't know what I expected but the fact that we spent an hour mourning the closing of club (I use that term loosely) that we used to frequent talking about the good old days made me feel old. It also didn't help that we met up with a group of people where the average age was 23. 23 and childless which makes me officially 85.

As a side note to any men who might come across this site. When you ask a woman her age and she says guess, DO NOT BE honest and run the risk of saying that she is five years older than she actually is. Because if you do, she will totally bust out her cane and beat you with it!

B day aftermath

It was hard but I pulled me head out of my ass! Yesterday was a nice day and I am so thankful that I have friends (internet and "real life") who reached out. I am a lucky girl to have friends who remember it's my day when in reality I have no clue when their birthday's are. So if you want a birthday shout out make sure you let me know!

My family made a fantastic dinner for me and then my brother and I proceeded to watch six episodes of Weeds. Did I mention that I love that show?!?

Tomorrow wil be the real celebration with a bunch of us going out. If they are lucky I will wear my good bra (also known as the bra that actually lifts my boobs and squishes them together), real shoes, makeup and my good underwear! Look out Miami, I'm going out (and by going out I mean home by 1 am.....how things have changed....I'm actually sleepy thinking about it!)

What are you guys doing this weekend?

Birthday Blahhhhh

I hate that all that I do here is come to whine but I type faster than I write and I have always been too lazy to write in a journal. So yeah.....let the pitty party begin!

This is the first birthday in a longtime where I don't have that special someone to embrace, to kiss and to celebrate with. After 21, birthdays have been pretty anticlimactic so at this point in the game there are few people to really make a fuss.

Truth be told.....I enjoy the fuss. At this point I crave the fuss.....I'm not proud of that but it is what it is. I am emotional, I have been speaking with my soon to be ex too much (he started taking meds and is a compeltely different person)and I am so emotionally needy right now that I cannot even stand myself.

Here is to hopping this next year is full of success and joy!

Too Quiet

I had always considered myself very low key, emotionally low maintenance.....but I think at this point I have become so accustomed to drama and ridiculous self sabatoge that I may be perpetuating the cycle. I am putting myself in compromising situations just to keep myself mentally occupied.

I would rather focus on something external whether it be productive and happy or negative than have the mental time to focus on my internal self. I am so hormonal right now it is not even funny.....

Did I mention that lately I have had babies on the brain???

Hey!

It's been months of hiding out, of moving back to Miami and of trying to heal. It has also been a time of taking down certain posts. I password protected the blog for while not because I wanted to, but because the ex demanded it (via his attorney). So much has changed.

I don't know whether to continue posting on the blog because I will never be 100% about my feelings, about my relationships because at some point I lost my anonymity. While before I wanted people I know "in real life" to be able to have insight on my day to day now some of those people use my feelings to hurt me.

I want to have an honest conversation about dating, exes and the future without thinking I will have legal action coming back at me.....but I am stubborn and don't want to change my blog name because someone made me do it! What is a girl to do? I miss the outlet!